I think it’s half-way inevitable that your computer suffers a major malfunction at least once during your college career. Sometimes you have to replace it, other times you have to wipe it clean. Sometimes, it’s almost dead, but not quite.

My computer died just this semester and had to get wiped. My new computer caught a virus in about 2 weeks, and I was left straggling.

There are preventative and reactive measures you can take when you computer is on the verge of dying, or is sort of dead already.

1) Back it up.

Buy an external and use it. Seriously. When I faced the prospect of wiping my computer after it sort of keeled over after a really bad bout of virus (thank you China), I was meh, but not distraught because I brought my external with me and only lost one week’s worth of work.

It was still distressing that I lost that week’s worth of work and I probably wasted hours trying to get my data back. But as it turns out, it took less time to actually re-do the work than my failed attempts at retrieving it.

That being said, I didn’t lose 2.5 years worth of school work, 10? years worth of music (thank you Napster for opening my eyes), countless hours of design files, tons of precious photos, version after version of cover letters and resumes, blah blah blah.

Seriously, back it up. Backing it up is like flossing you teeth. You should be doing it. It may not be fun or sexy, but you’re going to love yourself after the fact.

2) And then get protection.

Harvard loves you. Or at least they love network security because they offer free protection! Download their antivirus software now.

3) Use protection.

That means installing it, keeping it updated, and allowing it to scan for uncool stuff even if it means it slows down you computer a little bit and interrupts you computing mojo.

(I hope someone gets my blatant innuendos.)

As for other forms of protection, I don’t know, honestly. People recommend different things. I have Avast! and Malwarebytes’ Anti-malware. I recommend asking someone who is entirely more techie than I am for some solid advice.

But the point is, use it, update it (do you want to use a condom twice? exactly. refresh your database daily), and scan your entire computer once in a while. Because you can definitely get viruses while not doing anything on the web.

4) Resist the temptation to download.

A lot of file-sharing sites are NOTORIOUS for infecting your computer. Think of file-sharing sites as brothels. You may have protection, but who knows what can happen?

As such, download at your own risk. There are other less intrusive means of getting your media fixes.

5) When your computer is being an idiot

If you know you have an infection but you can still use your computer, download TrendMicro’s HijackThis and find a friendly geek forum to get a step by step in human language on what to do. For the advanced-esque user.

You can always try your luck with XYZ computer helper, but if they give up too easily and you’re a ninny without a backup, this is your last resort.

6) When your computer is nonfunctional, have your original install discs

Cry!

Get that disc of fun stuff that came with your computer (don’t lose it) and get ready to see your computer reborn without a care (or ounce of antibodies) in the world.

When my computer died, and I had to go to Best Buy (the only computer store I could trust in Shanghai), and had to stumble through a Chinese-English conversation using computer terminology, and the Best Buy Geek Squad dude totally gave up and was like, you need to reinstall XP, do you have your XP disc? no? then you have to buy THIS REALLY EXPENSIVE VERSION OF ENGLISH XP OR THIS OVERPRICED VERSION OF CHINESE XP that still can’t utilize the Tablet functionalities of your computer……

Anywho, don’t lose it. And don’t forget it.

I was literally a half a world away from my install disc. :(

7) When your computer is truly dead

Maybe you dropped it, maybe someone kicked it into the Charles river. There is much sadness.

But Harvard provides you with 24-7 computer labs. (This is truly amazing. The computer lab on campus here has computers riddled with viruses and is NOT open 24-7.)

And computers have become ridiculously cheap. Get a netbook for a fraction of the cost and be astonished by its lightness and battery life. Comment if you actually need a netbook recommendation.

If you’re a prefrosh and don’t gots no laptop yet, consider the netbook. As the weight of you laptop decreases, your likelihood of using it as a laptop increases exponentially. As its battery life increases, your likelihood of using it also increases exponentially.

Doooo it.

Disclaimer: I really wish I were like Chuck or ????, but I ain’t. Back up your computer and download Harvard’s antivirus, and then take all other software/computer recommendations with a grain of salt. I’m more knowledgeable than the average student, but am not the most knowledgeable. Blah blah blah. Don’t sue me. You do everything at your own risk, and I’m not responsible for computer infections, death or sadness.

But seriously, back it up and get protection. It will happen. It’s only a matter of when. And if you’re a mac user, don’t get cocky. I’ve seen a disproportionate number of macbooks diiiiee…repeatedly, sort of like undead zombies.